Impilo yami ngemva komshado womyeni wami
Iminyaka eyishumi yemizamo enzima yokukhulelwa; Lena kwakuyindaba yokuphila yowesifazane owamukela umunyu wokuphila futhi wazinikela emcabangweni wokuthi umyeni wakhe ashade nomunye wesifazane.
Uzama ukwethemba isithembiso sakhe sokuthi inhliziyo yakhe izomshaya kuphela nokuthi ukusuka kwakhe e-Al-Qassim eya eJeddah ngeke kushintshe lutho empilweni yakhe.
Kodwa wayengalindele ukuthi lowomshado ube yisiqalo sobunzima nezinselele ezaziphazamisa ukuphila kwakhe komshado.
Obunye ubunzima obuvelele abhekana nabo kwaba ukuntengantenga kwemizwelo lapho ezwa izindaba zokushada komyeni wakhe nomunye wesifazane.
Wasebenzisa amakhono okuzinza ngokomzwelo ukuze abhekane nalezi zimo futhi azinqobe ngokuzimisela okuqinile.
Nokho, akunakuphikwa ukuthi ukuphila kwakhe komshado kwakuthonywe kabi yilezo zinselele ezazizovusa ukungabaza enhliziyweni yakhe, zinciphise uthando lwakhe ngomyeni wakhe, futhi zithinte ubuhlobo babo.
Naphezu kobunzima abhekana nabo, wakwazi ukubunqoba ngokubekezela nangokuzimisela, futhi iminyaka yadlula, kokubili okuhle nokubi.
Nakuba lezi zenzakalo zaba nethonya elibi othandweni nasebudlelwaneni bakhe nomyeni wakhe, akazange azilahle.
Kufanele kuqashelwe ukuthi imishado eminingi ithwala izingozi ezinkulu futhi ingathinta kabi unkosikazi wokuqala nabantwana.
Ngakho-ke, kungcono ukuthi isithembu silawulwe ngaphansi kwemibandela eqinile egcina amalungelo abathintekayo.
Kodwa naphezu kwalokhu, inkosikazi yokuqala akumele ikhohlwe ukuthi inenani njengomuntu futhi ingalaleli inhlebo ezama ukumthuka nokunciphisa amakhono akhe.
Kumelwe aqhubeke nempilo yakhe ngokuziqhenya futhi acabangele lowo nkosikazi wesibili njengesigqila esimsebenzelayo nesimsebenzelayo ekuphileni kwakhe kwansuku zonke.
Ngingaqina kanjani ngemva kokuba umyeni wami eshadile?
Khulisa ukuzethemba kwakho:
Enye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu okufanele uzenze ukukhulisa ukuzethemba kwakho.
Qala ukucabanga ngamakhono namakhono akho, bese uzama ukuwathuthukisa futhi uwasebenzise.
Kungase futhi kube usizo ukusebenzela ekufinyeleleni imigomo yakho siqu.
Lokhu kungase kukusize uzizwe ufezekile futhi uqiniseka ngamakhono akho.
Gwema ukuzishaya indiva:
Izikhathi eziningi, abasekhweni bami bayingxenye enkulu yokuhlangenwe nakho kobuhlungu nokulimala kwengqondo okungenzeka ubhekene nakho.
Nokho, kubalulekile ukuba ungazifaki emizweni yokuzisola kanye nokungabaza.
Kungase kube nzima ukungayinaki imizwa yakho, kodwa sifuna ukuthi uqhubekele phambili futhi ugxile ezintweni ezinhle ekuphileni kwakho nasemakhonweni akho.
Ukungesabi ikusasa:
Umshado womyeni wakho ungase ubhekwe njengesinyathelo esikhulu nesibalulekile ekuphileni kwakho.
Nokho, ungase uzizwe ukhathazekile futhi wesaba ngalokho okungase kwenzeke esikhathini esizayo.
Ungavumeli le micabango ilawule impilo yakho.
Khumbula ukuthi ukuphuma endaweni yakho yokunethezeka kungavula umnyango wamathuba amasha kanye nokufeza amaphupho akho kanye nezinhloso zakho.
Ukusebenzelana ngobuhlakani nomyeni wakho:
Kungenzeka ukuthi uye wadela okuningi ngenxa yomyeni wakho, mhlawumbe walahlekelwa umsebenzi noma imali.
Uma uzizwa uxhashazwa noma ukhishwe inyumbazane, sekuyisikhathi sokusebenzisana ngobuhlakani nomyeni wakho kanye nesimo samanje sokugcina ubuhlobo bakho naye futhi uqine ngokwakho.
Le nqubo ingase idinge ukufuna usizo ezinsizeni zangaphandle, njengabeluleki bemishado abanganikeza iseluleko nesiqondiso mayelana nalokhu.
Sondela emndenini wakho:
Ngemva kokuba umyeni wakho eshadile, ungase ukuthole kunzima ukujwayela ubuhlobo obusha.
Kulokhu, kungase kube nesidingo sokuthuthukisa ubuhlobo obuhle nobuqinile namalungu omkhaya wakho.
Phakathi nale nqubo, ungazuza ekusekelweni ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo okungakusiza ukuba udlule lesi sigaba sempilo ngokuzethemba nangamandla.
Kufanele ukhumbule ukuthi amandla angempela avela ngaphakathi kuwe.
Sebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukuze ugxile ekukhuleni kwakho siqu futhi uthuthukise amakhono akho.
Ungase ubhekane nezinselele nobunzima endleleni, kodwa ngokuzimisela nangokukholelwa kuwena, uzokwazi ukwakha impilo ephumelelayo nejabulisayo ngemva komshado womyeni wakho.
Umyeni wami washada, ngimbuyisela kanjani kimi?
Lapho imibhangqwana ibhekana nezinkinga zomshado, abanye baphendukela ekufuneni amakhambi afanelekile okubasiza babuyisele ukuzinza komshado.
Nangabe indvodza ishada nemfati wayo, umfati angasebenta ngekuhlakanipha kute alungise lesisimo.
Okokuqala, inkosikazi kufanele yenze ngokuhlakanipha futhi ingajahi ukufaka isehlukaniso.
Kungenzeka ukuthi lo mlisa wenze lokhu ngoba ecikekile yindlela yokuphila phakathi kwabo, noma kube nezinye izizathu ezimenze wathatha lesi sinqumo.
Ngakho-ke, inkosikazi kufanele ijwayele futhi ibe nesifiso sokuqonda izizathu ezenze umyeni wakhe enze lokhu.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, indoda ingase izizwe inecala noma izisola lapho ibona umkayo elangazelela ukubuyisela ubuhlobo babo bomshado.
Ngakho-ke, umfazi kufanele angaguquguquki futhi angayicasuli indoda ngenxa yomshado wayo wesibili.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, inkosikazi ingakhuluma ngokukhululekile nomyeni wayo futhi iqonde imizwa yayo nezizathu zesinqumo sayo.
Angamcela ukuthi basebenzisane ukuze bathuthukise ubuhlobo babo futhi bakhe ibhuloho lokuthembana.
Lokhu kungase kudinge ukuba indoda iqondise ukubaluleka komkhaya nomthwalo wayo wemfanelo kuwo.
Nokho, inkosikazi kumelwe ibhekane namaqiniso futhi iqaphele ukuthi ukubuyisela ubuhlobo kungase kuthathe isikhathi nomzamo.
Indoda kungase kudingeke icabange futhi ivuthwe ngaphambi kokuba ibuyele ebuhlotsheni bayo bokuqala bomshado.
Ngokuvamile, kubalulekile ngenkosikazi ukuba ikhumbule ukuthi ukubekezela nokuqonda kwayo kuyoba nengxenye ekubuyiseleni ukuzinza komshado.
Ungase udinge usizo lomeluleki wemishado noma uchwepheshe wobudlelwane ukuze usize ukuqondisa imibhangqwana kulesi simo.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukhethani, inkosikazi kufanele icabangele umbono wayo futhi ilondoloze impilo yayo engokwengqondo nengokwengqondo.
Ukulondoloza ukuthula kwangaphakathi kanye nekhono lokwenza izinqumo ezifanele yikona okubaluleke kakhulu kuleli cala.
Kubalulekile ukuthi abashadile baxhumane ngokuqhubekayo ezimweni ezinjalo, futhi basebenzisane ukuze bakhe kabusha ukwethembana futhi bazinzise ubudlelwano bomshado.
Ukhona yini owashada nomkakhe futhi wamthanda?
Ngokwemininingwane etholakalayo, indoda ingashada nomkayo kuyilapho imthanda.
Nokho, kungase kube nezizathu ezihlukahlukene ezenza umyeni afune ukuhlangana nabanye abantu aze ashade nabo.
Lokhu kungase kube ngenxa yokucikeka ngohlelo lwansuku zonke lwempilo nozakwethu wamanje.
Indoda ingase ibe nomuzwa wokuthi idinga ukuvuselelwa kanye nenjabulo ekuphileni kwayo kothando, ngakho ukufuna ubudlelwano obusha kungase kube isinqumo okunzima ngomfazi ukuba asiqonde.
Yiqiniso, kungase kube nezinye izizathu ezenza indoda ishade nabanye abafazi ngaphandle komkayo wokuqala.
Lezi zizathu zihlukahlukene futhi zihlanganisa isikhwele esiyihaba ngomfazi noma umuzwa wokuba nempahla kanye nesifiso sokuba umyeni ahlale ngaphansi kokulawula kwakhe.
Kungase futhi kube nezici ezingalindelekile eziholela esinqumweni sokuthatha omunye umfazi, ngakho lezo zinqumo zingase zibe nemiphumela engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo kanye nemithelela kubantu abahilelekile.
Ngokuvamile, kungase kuthiwe asikwazi ukunquma ngemva komshado ukuthi indoda iyamthanda yini umkayo wokuqala noma cha.
Kodwa singasho ukuthi kuningi okuguquguqukayo okuthinta ubuhlobo bomshado nendlela abantu abaphathana ngayo ngemva komshado.
Ubani onesikhwele esikhulu, unkosikazi wokuqala noma owesibili?
Umhawu umzwelo womuntu wemvelo okhona kwabesifazane nabesilisa, kodwa abesifazane baziwa ngomhawu wabo onamandla ngezinye izikhathi owedlula imingcele yempilo engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo.
Ekuphenduleni umbuzo othi ubani onesikhwele, abaningi bavame ukukholelwa ukuthi unkosikazi wokuqala nguye obonisa isikhwele.
Ziningi izinto ezinomthelela emoneni womfazi wokuqala lowesibili, okuhlanganisa:
- Ukwehluleka ukuzivumelanisa nombono wokubamba iqhaza komyeni, ibanga lakhe kumkakhe wokuqala, kanye nentshisekelo yakhe kowesibili.
- Ukuzizwa engafaneleki njengomfazi wokuqala emehlweni endoda, okumenza azizwe esongelwa ngokuba khona kwakhe empilweni yomyeni wakhe.
- Ukungabaza ngezinga lakhe lobuhle nobufazi, futhi ukhathazeke ngokuthi indoda izomthola engathandeki kunomfazi wesibili.
Ngokuphambene, unkosikazi wesibili kucatshangwa ukuthi ubonisa isikhwele kancane kakhulu ngoba uyazi ukuthi kukhona inkosikazi yokuqala futhi usamukele isimo ngaphambili.
Abanye bangase bacabange ukuthi lokhu kungenxa yothando lwakhe nokunamathela kowesilisa nokuqonda kwakhe izimo zokuphila.
Abaningi abaphikisani nokuthi isikhwele somfazi wokuqala sinamandla futhi sinethonya elikhulu, ngenxa yokuthanda kwendoda komunye wesifazane ngaphezu kwayo nokushada kwayo kuye.
Ezimweni ezinjalo, inkosikazi yokuqala ihlushwa imizwa yokungazethembi nokungazethembi, okudinga ukusebenzelana ngokuhlakanipha nesikhwele somshado.
Indoda ikuzwa nini ukubaluleka komkayo?
Ngokuvamile, indoda ingakuzwa ukubaluleka komkayo ezimweni nasezimweni eziningi.
Ukubaluleka komlingani kungase kuboniswe ngosizo nokusekela akunikezayo ekuphileni kwansuku zonke, nasezimweni ezinzima indoda ebhekene nazo.
Kwesinye isikhathi, ukutholakala kutholwa owesilisa ngemuva kokuthi umlingani wakhe ehlukene naye.
Umuntu angakubona ukubaluleka komuntu osondelene naye ngemva kokulahlekelwa nguye, akusekho sandla esinakekelayo esimi eduze kwakhe, noma umlingani othwele uthando oluqotho enhliziyweni yakhe.
Lapho indoda iqaphela ukubaluleka komkayo, ingase izizwe ilangazelela futhi ilangazelela ngamandla.
Indoda ingase ibe nokukhathazeka nokucabanga njalo ngomkayo ngemva kokuhlukana.
Angase akukhumbule ukuba khona kwakhe nokuchitha isikhathi naye, futhi angase abone ukubaluleka kothando nokunakekela ayemnike kona.
Angase azizwe ecindezelekile futhi enecala ngokulahlekelwa nguye.
Nokho, indoda izwa ukubaluleka komkakhe hhayi kuphela ngemva kokuhlukana, kodwa futhi ezimweni eziningi zansuku zonke.
Lo muzwa wokubaluleka ungase ubonakale ezikhathini zobunzima, lapho umkakhe emnikeza ukusekela okungokomzwelo nokuziphatha.
Lapho ekhona ukuze ayisekele, indoda izizwa ikhululekile futhi ivikelekile lapho ikhona.
Ukuhamba nakho kuyithuba lendoda yokuzwa ukubaluleka komkayo, kodwa lokhu kwazisa kungaphela ngokushesha lapho isihlangene naye.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, amadoda ayahluka endleleni abonisa ngayo uthando nokubonga kumkawo.
Abanye babo bakuveza lokhu ngamazwi nangokunaka, kuyilapho abanye bekuveza ngezenzo nangokuziphatha okuhle.
Ngakho-ke, ngezinye izikhathi kungase kube nzima kwabesifazane ukunquma ukuthi indoda izwa nini ukubaluleka kwayo ngaphambi noma ngemva kokuhlukana.
Ngokuvamile, uchwepheshe wezomshado uDkt. Medhat Abdel Hadi uthi: “Indoda ethanda umkayo izizwa ibalulekile ngaso sonke isikhathi, futhi asikho isikhathi esiqondile sokuba ibe nalo muzwa.”
Indoda ingase idinge izidingo zomuntu siqu nokuhlangenwe nakho ukuze ikuqonde ngokugcwele futhi yazise ukubaluleka komkayo.
Ngingamkhipha kanjani umyeni wami engqondweni yami?
Ngenxa yezinkinga eziningi zomshado imibhangqwana engase ibhekane nazo ekuphileni kwabo komshado, inkinga yokuba nomshado ezingqondweni zabesifazane iyinto evamile.
Abesifazane abaningi bazama ukuthola izixazululo zokususa abayeni babo ezingqondweni zabo futhi bagxile kubo nempilo yabo siqu.
Ngakho-ke, sizobuyekeza ezinye izixazululo ezihlongozwayo zale nkinga enameva.
Okokuqala, kunconywa ukuqala inqubo yokuphumula nokuthulisa imicabango ekhanda.
Abesifazane bangasebenzisa amasu okuphumuza njengokucabanga okujulile nokuzindla ukuze banciphise ukucindezeleka futhi bazithobe.
Ukucabanga ngegama elithi “ukuphumula” kukodwa kungaba usizo ekudambiseni imicabango nengqondo.
Okwesibili, abesifazane bangathuthukisa indlela yabo yokucabanga nokugxila kubo.
Angaphendukela ekufundeni nasekufuneni izindlela ezifanele zokuthuthukisa impilo yakhe yomuntu siqu futhi azuze esikhathini asichitha eyedwa.
Kungase kube namakhono noma izinto azithandayo angahlakulela ezingamsiza acabange ngezinye izinto ngaphandle komyeni wakhe.
Okwesithathu, owesifazane kumelwe abeke imingcele ecacile phakathi kwakhe nomyeni wakhe futhi afunde ukuthi “cha” ngezinye izikhathi.
Indoda kumelwe ihloniphe futhi ibambisane ekwamukeleni le mingcele futhi ingagxambukeli ngokweqile ekuphileni komfazi.
Owesifazane angabonisana nomyeni wakhe ngemizwa nemicabango yakhe ngokwethembeka nangendlela eqondile, kuyilapho elondoloza ukuhloniphana.
Okwesine, kufanele kube khona okuphumelelayo nokukhulumisana nomyeni.
Umbhangqwana ungabheka isikhathi sokuxoxa nokucobelelana ngemibono nezingxoxo ezingezona ezomshado.
Kumelwe kube nokuqonda kanye nesithakazelo ezintweni ezikhathaza omunye, ngaphandle kwengcindezi noma ukudideka okuvela kuzo zombili izinhlangothi.
Okokugcina, ukwelulekwa ngomshado ochwepheshe kuyisixazululo esisodwa sokubhekana nale nkinga.
Bobabili abalingani bangabheka umeluleki wemishado abangaxoxa naye ngokukhululekile futhi basebenzisane ukuze baxazulule inkinga futhi bakhe ubuhlobo bomshado obunempilo.
Ngamafuphi, abesifazane abaningi bazama ukukhipha abayeni babo ezingqondweni zabo futhi bagxile ekuphileni kwabo siqu.
Bobabili izinhlangothi kufanele basebenzisane ukwakha ubuhlobo bomshado obunempilo futhi banakekele izidingo zomunye nomunye.
Ukubhekana nalolu daba kudinga isineke, ukuqonda, nokuhlanganyela phakathi kwabashadile.
Ingabe inkosikazi iyamzonda umyeni wayo uma ishada?
Umfazi angase abe nenzondo ngomyeni wakhe uma emshada, ngenxa yezizathu eziningana ezingase zihlanganise isikhwele esidlulele, ukubusa yedwa, nomuzwa wokungamgcini.
Intukuthelo yomfazi ingase ibe ngenxa yokwephulwa kwamalungelo akhe kanye nokukhaphela kwakhe izivumelwano nezibopho zomshado ezenziwa phakathi kwabo.
Kuwukusabela okungokwemvelo ekuziphatheni okulimazayo nasezenzweni zomyeni.
Nokho, le mizwa kufanele kubhekwane nayo ngokucophelela nangezindlela ezinokuthula nezakhayo, ukuze kugcinwe ukuzinza kwempilo yomshado nobuhlobo babo.
Kungani indoda icabanga ngenkosikazi yesibili?
Namuhla, amadoda amaningi acabanga ukushada futhi futhi athathe unkosikazi wesibili, ngenxa yezizathu ezihlukahlukene.
Lezi zizathu zihlanganisa ukuntula kwendoda ukwaneliseka ngokobulili nokungakwazi komkayo wokuqala ukwanelisa izifiso zakhe zobulili, ngaphezu kokuba nesifiso esinamandla sokuzala lapho ebhekene nezinkinga zokuzala nomkakhe wokuqala.
Ezinye izizathu ezenza amadoda afune ukushada unkosikazi wesibili yibanga elide ngenxa yokuhambela phesheya ngomsebenzi, njengoba ebona ukuthi unkosikazi wokuqala akakwazi ukuba khona lapho indoda izinze khona.
Abesilisa bangase bazizwe bebandlululwa futhi bedinga umlingani osiqondayo isimo sabo futhi abahlanganyele injabulo nosizi lwabo.
Kungenzeka futhi ukuthi indoda icabanga ukushada unkosikazi wesibili ngenxa yokunganakwa ekuthola kunkosikazi wayo wokuqala, njengoba izizwa ingelutho futhi ayikutholi ukwesekwa nokunakekelwa ekudingayo.
Ngakho-ke, ufuna omunye wesifazane omenza azizwe eyindoda futhi ekhulisa ukuzethemba kwakhe.
NgokukaDkt. Amr Al-Wardani, owesilisa wesithathu angase aphoqwe ukuba ashade nowesifazane wesibili ukuze agweme okunqatshelwe, uma ethanda owesifazane ngaphandle komkakhe.
Lokhu kusho ukuthi izici ezingokwenkolo zingaba nethonya elikhulu esinqumweni sendoda sokushada nenkosikazi yesibili.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokuvamile indoda ingase icabange ngomfazi wesibili ngemva kokufika kwabantwana, njengoba inkosikazi yokuqala imatasa ngokunakekela, ukukhulisa, nokunakekela izingane ngokulahlekelwa izifiso zomyeni.
Nakuba lokhu kungesona isici kubafazi, indoda izizwa inganelisekile futhi yanelisekile ngokobulili futhi ingase ifune omunye wesifazane ongahlangabezana kangcono nezidingo zayo.
Ekugcineni, owesilisa angase acabange ukushada nomunye wesifazane ngenxa yemvelo yakhe yobugovu, efuna ukwanelisa izifiso zakhe siqu kuphela, ngaphandle kokunaka izidingo zomfazi wokuqala.
Ekugcineni, isinqumo sokushada nenkosikazi yesibili sincike ezimweni nasezimweni zomuntu ngamunye.
Nakuba isithembu samukelwa enkolweni yamaSulumane, ubulungisa nobudlelwano obuhle namakhosikazi kubalulekile futhi kuyadingeka.
